The Summer Doldrums

This is my third summer experiencing the summer doldrums. Ever since I became certified it has been a struggle to find a position for the fall. I have not experienced the fortune of staying in the same district for more than one academic year, and while this pattern is familiar, it does not seem reasonable or fair.

I struggle with trying not to feel bitter.

Certain questions have arisen during the interview process - "Why do you want to leave Hartford?", or "Why did you leave South Windsor?" When these questions are asked I inevitably feel an uncomfortable twinge - implicitly it does not look good for an educator to acquire a new position every year, and I am all too cognizant of that fact. In many ways, I feel the reasons for my not being stationary are more out of my control than they are in. I was recommended for renewal at South Windsor only to have my position eliminated. That was to be expected; the school wanted to create another full time position, and in the process it eliminated the part time position I had. And while I applied and was interviewed for that new position, I was not the recommended candidate in the end. As it happened, I was not even considered in the final selection process, a revelation that still hurts nearly a year later. Inevitably the question turns inward: "What is it about me that is lacking???"

With regards to Hartford, I knew right off that I was not a good fit for the school. I lacked the mental toughness and courage, I suppose, to be immediately effective in an inner city school. Yet I still aver that had I been endowed with a more supportive administration - or at the very least a dedicated mentor, I might have been able to experience greater success in the school. It is exceedingly difficult to be an effective and respected classroom manager when your expectations are countermanded by the administration.

Which leads me to this point. I have been on seven interviews since May, two with the same school. I have received four rejections from schools I have applied to. I am awaiting responses from four schools I have interviewed with. All told, I believe I have applied to 20 schools or more since the end of March. If I were a betting woman I would assert that something is bound to come through, that I can't have put this much effort into a job hunt for the process to come to nothing. Nagging doubts clamor in my brain and disrupt everyday activities. I admit that my hope is transmogrifying into something like desperation. I am essentially unemployed. My husband is unemployed. This stark reality, and the potential financial downfall that has quickly followed for others in this unfortunate tragicomedy of errors haunts me every day.

Until I get that call, I am,

A Poor Wayfaring Schoolmarm